The character of love

If we had to identify one characteristic that most clearly reveals whether Christ is being formed in us, it would be love. Not sentimental love. Not merely affection. Not love for those who love us. Christlike love. Paul gives us one of Scripture’s most profound descriptions, and he begins with a warning that no gift or sacrifice can replace it:

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.

Then he describes what love looks like:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

This is not merely a beautiful passage to read at weddings. It is a description of Christian character. And when we read it honestly, it becomes uncomfortable. Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I envy? Do I need recognition? Do I become easily irritated? Do I keep a record of wrongs? Do I always have to have my own way? Suddenly 1 Corinthians 13 becomes a mirror.

Love does not seek its own

Perhaps one of the strongest statements is this: love “does not seek its own.” Sin naturally bends inward. Love bends outward. Sin asks, “What about me?” Love asks, “What about you?” Sin says, “What can I get?” Love says, “What can I give?” Sin says, “How does this benefit me?” Love says, “How can I bless someone else?” That is why love is so closely connected with character. It is possible to perform religious duties while remaining deeply selfish. But genuine love begins changing the centre of our lives.

Jonathan shows us what it looks like when this is costly. He was the king’s son, the natural heir to the throne. When David came to the court after defeating Goliath, Scripture says that “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:1). He gave David his own robe, his armour, his sword and his bow (1 Samuel 18:4). Later his father Saul warned him plainly that as long as David lived, Jonathan’s own kingdom would not be established (1 Samuel 20:31). Jonathan understood what that meant, and he chose David’s life over his own advantage, warning him of Saul’s plans (1 Samuel 20:35-42). He sought not his own.

Love that stays

Ruth shows the same love in a quieter setting. Her husband had died, and her mother-in-law, Naomi, was returning to Bethlehem as a poor widow. Naomi urged her to go back to her own people and her own gods. Ruth refused, and her answer has become one of the best-known statements of loyalty in Scripture:

Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God.

Ruth had nothing to gain from this decision. She chose love that would cost her security, her homeland and her prospects. The Bible calls such love hesed, steadfast, covenant kindness, the kind of love that God Himself shows to His people.

The test of love

Jesus gave His followers a remarkable test:

For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?

Anybody can love someone who loves them. The real test comes when love costs something. Can you be kind to someone who is unkind? Can you pray for someone who has hurt you? Can you rejoice when someone else succeeds? Can you serve someone who cannot repay you? Can you speak well of someone who has spoken badly of you? This is where Christlike character begins to look completely different from ordinary human behaviour.

Where love comes from

We do not manufacture this kind of love. John traces it to its source:

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

And he adds a simple sentence that explains everything: “We love Him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Paul says the same thing from the other side: “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). We are able to love because we have been loved. Christian love is not merely affection for people who are pleasant to us. It seeks the good of others, even when love requires sacrifice. Jesus said, “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).